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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29843610">Untitled</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElaOfAsgard/pseuds/ElaOfAsgard'>ElaOfAsgard</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>But Mostly Hurt, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, but aspects of it are discussed very briefly, the rape itself is not depicted</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:20:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29843610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElaOfAsgard/pseuds/ElaOfAsgard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Please see the A/N at the beginning of the fic for a more lengthy description of what this story is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hela (Marvel)/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Untitled</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The rating is more of a precaution than because of explicit content.</p><p>This fic is coming from a very personal place, and touches on a very sensitive topic. I would like anyone who decides to read this to know that this isn't something that's happened recently, and that I've been working on recovering and healing for some time now, and sometimes I do really well, and sometimes a movie has an unexpected scene that triggers me and leaves me wrecked for days. This was a vent fic that happened because of that. It's a bit all over the place, I think, maybe? But to be fair, that's just how the mind is in these kind of scenarios, so maybe it works. I don't really expect anyone to read this, if I'm being quite honest, but maybe someone out there who's been in the same kind of situation might find some comfort in this. I just know I wish I'd had my own Hela to be with me, when it happened. Please, if this is something that you think you cannot or should not read, do not try to. Your health, safety, and comfort are much more important than me getting views on my writing.</p><p>The link to the song Hela sinks can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKQ0AAY-7Es</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With shaking hands, you dialed the phone number you knew by heart, hoping that your girlfriend would answer quickly for once. She usually did, but according to your numbers on the screen, it was two in the morning, and you were worried that she might be asleep.</p><p>“Y/N? Is everything okay?”</p><p>Just the sound of her voice caused you to absolutely break down, and you could hear Hela panicking on the other end of the line as she tried to figure out what was wrong.</p><p>“Y/N? Darling, what’s wrong? Talk to me, what happened, where are you?”</p><p>“…I don’t know. I don’t know where I am. Can… Can you come get me? Please?” You tried to remember where you were, and what you had been doing, but your mind was foggy, and you were in a lot of pain, so you couldn’t quite think straight.</p><p>“Sweetheart, you have to tell me where you are, so I can get to you.” You could already hear Hela fumbling with her keys at the front door, and you cleared your throat as you tried to find something that would tell you where you were.</p><p>You took a few steps up, so that you were on the sidewalk and in the light of a nearby streetlamp. “Um… Oh, I’m… I’m at that bar we usually go to. The one on Fifth Street.”</p><p>“I’ll be there as quick as I can. Y/N, are you hurt? Can you find someone to stand with you?”</p><p>You sniffled, and rubbed at your eyes with a sleeve. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll find someone. I’ll find someone.”</p><p>“Stay on the phone with me, darling, okay? I’ll keep telling you where I am. I’ll be there really soon, I promise.”</p><p>You nodded, as though Hela could see you through the phone, but Hela kept talking anyway, and you were grateful for that.</p><p>Not ten minutes later, you saw her come hurrying around the corner toward you, breaking out into a run when she saw you, and you hung the phone up, waiting for her to get close enough that you could talk to her. “Y/N.”</p><p>She reached to pull you into her arms as she came to a halt, but you startled, and took a step back, trying not to think about how confused and mildly hurt she looked. “…please don’t touch me…”</p><p>Hela looked at you for a long moment, seemingly trying to figure out why you had reacted in such a manner, but finally she nodded, and swallowed thickly. “…okay. Do you want to walk back home or take a cab?”</p><p>“…don’t feel so good,” was the only answer you had for her, and you refused to meet her gaze, even as she tried to catch your eye. “Please can we just go home now?”</p><p>“…Y/N, what…?”</p><p>“<em>Please</em>.”</p><p>Hela didn’t push the subject any further, only nodded and stepped closer to the street, so that she could wave down a taxi, and you took a few steps toward her, just so that you could be closer to her as you looked around, unease settled over you like a stifling blanket.</p><p>Once she had successfully hailed a taxi and opened the door for you, you crawled in, wincing as you settled yourself down on the leather seat, and you could feel Hela watching you, undoubtedly trying to figure out what you weren’t saying, and it wasn’t until you had both gotten seated and the taxi had already started moving when you realized Hela’s gaze had fallen to your legs, and you looked down as well, for the first time noticing the streaks of dried blood that disappeared under the hem of your dress.</p><p>It made sense, considering where and how you hurt. You just didn’t know how you hadn’t noticed it before now.</p><p>“Y/N…” Hela’s voice was unbearably soft, and you could hardly stand it, never mind that you did <em>not</em> want to talk about it in the middle of a cab, so you just averted your gaze, focusing on the traffic passing outside the window as you willed the ride to pass by more quickly.</p><p>Hela didn’t try to take your hand once you arrived at your shared apartment, and she waited until you had both gone in and she had locked the door behind her before she turned to face you, expression unreadable as she started digging her phone out of her purse.</p><p>“Hela, don’t. It’s pointless.” You knew Hela well enough to know what her line of thinking was, and you shook your head.</p><p>“This is <em>exactly</em> what the cops are <em>for</em>.”</p><p>“They won’t do anything except make me hurt worse with a kit that likely won’t see the light of day anytime soon.”</p><p>“Y/N-”</p><p>“<em>Please</em>, Hela.” Your voice was hardly much more than a whisper as you swallowed thickly, trying not to start crying again. You appreciated Hela’s sentiment, but you knew it would be a waste of time and only make you feel more violated than you already did. You just wanted to take a bath and scrub yourself clean and try to sleep, if you could even manage that much.</p><p>Hela seemed to understand this, and after a tense moment, she heaved a sigh, setting her phone down on the counter. “…I’ll kill them. Whoever did this to you, I’ll <em>kill them</em>.”</p><p>In a moment of near morbidity, you almost wanted to laugh, because if you were being honest, that was the exact kind of response you would have expected from Hela, but as it was, every single one of your emotions was dangling by a thread threatening to snap at any second, and no sooner did you manage a blank smile at Hela did you feel the burn of a hiccupping sob catching in your throat, and the next thing you knew, you were shaking as you cried, arms wrapped around yourself, as though the act alone could keep you together while you felt like you were disappearing into the very air you were breathing.</p><p>Hela hesitated, clearly wanting to do nothing more than console you as she reached for you, but she stopped halfway there, her hands hanging in midair as she watched you break down. She looked so sad and worried and furious all at once, and it was too much to bear, so you looked at the floor instead, trying not to think about anything or anyone else. You wanted to melt into the grout of the tile, or perhaps become a speck of dust in the corner. Anything to not <em>feel</em>.</p><p>“…I’m going to go run a bath for you. I’ll be right in the bathroom. I’ll leave the door open, so you can come in when you’re ready, okay?”</p><p>You were worried that if you tried to speak the only thing that would come out would be incoherent screaming, or maybe nothing at all, so you only nodded slightly, standing right where you were as Hela left the room. You felt like you were watching everything with tunnel vision. You couldn’t focus, you couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t speak. Part of you hoped that maybe you would die right there on the spot; part of you hoped that you could fast-forward through the next ten minutes, ten hours, ten days, ten weeks, ten however long it took you to not have to think about this ever again, but even in the midst of your trauma-induced crying, you knew that was unrealistic, and so instead you just stood there, weeping and weeping as each minute melted into the next.</p><p>“….Y/N?”</p><p>You wondered when Hela had appeared in front of you again, and you could tell by the concerned look on her face that she still wasn’t entirely sure how to handle you without upsetting you further. “Y/N, you’ve been standing here for fifteen minutes. Why don’t you come into the bathroom? The water’s nice and warm for you, and you can stay in as long as you want.”</p><p>After a long moment of hesitation, Hela reached for you, and you could see how desperately she wanted to just <em>touch you </em>in some way, and if you were being honest with yourself, you wanted her to hold you, too, now that you were safe in your apartment and nothing and no one could hurt you. Taking a shaky breath to steady yourself, and to try to calm down your crying, you reached your hand out for hers, letting her slowly thread her fingers with yours as she watched you the entire time, making sure that you were okay.</p><p>The next second, you had fallen into her arms, and a new jumble of emotions washed over you, leaving you sobbing into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms tightly around you as she tried to keep you from falling to the floor.</p><p>“Sh… I’m here… You’re safe now… You’re safe… I should have been with you, I’m so <em>sorry</em> I wasn’t with you, angel…”</p><p>There was so much that you wanted to say, that you didn’t want her to apologize and that there was no way on earth that any of this could be her fault, but you still didn’t trust your voice enough, so you just let her soothe you until you were calm enough that she could lead you to the bathroom, coming to a stop before she reached the tub.</p><p>“…Y/N, I’m going to have to undress you, and… and check you before you get in the bath, is… is that okay?”</p><p>You weren’t entirely sure that it was, but you knew that you needed to get yourself clean <em>somehow</em>, and you wanted out of your dirty clothes, anyway, so you nodded, and did what you could to help Hela get you undressed.</p><p>She said nothing as she bundled the clothes up and threw them straight into the garbage, and she tried not to linger on you for too long as she looked over you, but you could tell from the look in her eyes how bad she felt, and that was more than telling enough for you, so you just let her do what she needed to so that the moment would be over quicker.</p><p>“…okay, let’s… let’s get you in, let me help you.” She kept her arm around you as she helped you step over the edge of the tub and get in.</p><p>It took you some time to get comfortable; no matter how you sat, it just <em>hurt</em>, and it didn’t help matters at all when you saw the water start to tinge red, so you looked away, gaze meeting Hela’s properly for the first time since she’d come to get you.</p><p>“Hi…” Hela spoke to you softly, like she did in the mornings when you had just woken up and were still half-asleep, and it comforted you much more than you imagined it could have, and you managed a half-hearted smile, hardly more than a quirk of your lips, but that was enough for Hela. “Do you want me to help you wash your hair?”</p><p>You nodded, too tired to even think, let alone speak or try to move your arms, and Hela nodded, as well. Reaching for a cup so she could get your hair wet.</p><p>“….actually, I should… Let me drain the water, first. Can you bring your legs up? I don’t want the cold water to hit you.”</p><p>You did as asked, and quickly as she could, Hela drained the tub and filled it with fresh water, and you tried to focus on that instead of the dull pain between your legs, or the way your head still felt fuzzy and somehow too full and too empty all at once. She made quick work of washing your hair, and she left you to wash yourself, until she realized that you intended to scrub yourself raw, and she gently pried the washrag away from you and rinsed you off herself, talking to you softly, about whatever mundane topic popped into her head to distract you.</p><p>By the time she had drained the tub and helped you dry off, you wanted nothing more than to collapse on the bed, and maybe disappear into the mattress itself entirely, and Hela seemed to sense this as she pulled one of her oversized t-shirts over your head and led you to the bedroom.</p><p>“Come on, darling… There we go, nice and comfy.”</p><p>As you laid down, you noticed that Hela’s side of the bed was mussed, and you realized that you must have woken her up when you called, and you felt another bout of guilt rising up in you, and after a long moment of struggling to find what you wanted to say, you finally spoke, voice thick with emotion.</p><p>“…I’m sorry for…” You were sorry for a lot, now that you thought of it. Waking her, making her come downtown to pick you up, making her have to deal with you while you desperately hoped to stop existing.</p><p>Hela shook her head immediately. “No. No apologies. You have <em>nothing</em> to apologize for. Not one thing.”</p><p>She crawled into the bed, then, turning the lamp down on the bedside table, so that there was still light enough that she could see your face, and she waited, to see if you wanted her to get any closer, and you averted your gaze, so much going on in your mind that you weren’t sure <em>what</em> you wanted, and the only thing that you <em>did </em>end up doing was start crying again, trying to hide your face in your pillow, so Hela wouldn’t have to see you like this again, but if she was upset, she didn’t say as much. You felt the bed shift, and then felt the warmth of her arm draping loosely over your waist, giving you enough room to shrug her off, if you wanted.</p><p>“…I know, my darling. I know. I wish I could make everything all better, and I’m so sorry that I can’t…” Hela was at a loss for words at what to say next; what <em>could</em> be said to someone who had just gone through such a terrible ordeal?</p><p>Instead, she started to sing, a quiet little song she knew that you were fond of, and you focused on her voice, until there was nothing left but you, and her, and the words she murmured.</p><p>“<em>…Beauty is within grasp, hear the islands call… The last mile is upon us, I’ll carry you if you fall… I know the armor’s heavy now, I know the heart is tired… It’s beautiful just over the wild mountainside...</em>”</p><p> </p>
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